Arranged Marriage
by Katzenaugen
Summary: I was supposed to marry the man I thought of being a monster. Yet time changes people. And you changed me.'
1. Changes

**Arranged Marriage**

**Changes**

_Chapter 1_

(Gaara POV)

I felt her leg brushing past mine as she tossed in her bed. Her skin was soft, softer than I had expected it to be. Lying in the very same bed with her was something I would never have thought about. I couldn't sleep anyways. A bed had been nothing than a place I wouldn't use for me. If I even had a bed in my room to begin with. Maybe it was just to fill space in the huge rooms Iused to live in? Either way, I couldn't sleep – I wasn't allowed to.

The cold metal on my finger was still irritating me. Whenever she was nervous she would twist it around and play with it. The ring that binds us together. Bonds – something I never had. Do you even want to be around me? I question I had asked myself a lot, yet I wouldn't want to know the answer. Now that I had finally made becoming like Naruto my goal, I wouldn't want to hear that she was just as scared as she was years ago when I had her crushed with my sand. Wrapped my fangs around her fragile body, ready to squeeze the last bit of blood out of her body.

How can she stand being around me? I remember her eyes when I first saw her again. When she raised her head to look at me, me who had grown close to a head taller than her.

I told her she was free to go, but she only responded that she was doing this for her clan. For the bond between Konoha and The Sand. You know Naruto the best. You who was on a Team with him, even if only for short. 4 People on one time, rare, but you were there. Looking down at me, believing I was the worst trash ever. I saw your eyes, I saw your fear, I saw how you wished for the ground to suck me away so your friends were free of pain and this world had one poor soul less to worry about it.

But I was here, I had survived – I had to survive. So here I was now, lying on the bed, on top of the blanket, my back leant against the cold wall.

I remember the day she and her grandmother stood in my door telling me she was supposed to marry me. Taking my chance to get a normal life, just like Naruto, I agreed. Was this my chance?

(Gaara POV End)

---

The red haired man had crawled out of her bed just before the sun would burn down onto Suna's sand. Her hair was red aswell. Though the colour was alike, hers had some darker hints, while his was a pure red.

"Good Morning." he whispered monotonely while sitting on a chair on the opposite side of the room, facing the large bed. His hands crossed in front of his chest, his eyes fixed the body moving beneath the sheets until her pale feet touched the floor. "A-" Just as any ordinary human would, she was about to ask him wheter he was awake already, but it's not like Gaara slept, or had ever slept. Cutting herself short she streteched her 'A' pretending to be thinking. "Good Morning." she retorted and brushed her long hair behind her back as she leant forward to search for her slippers.

Just as she rose her head to look at the one whom she was supposed to refer as her husband to, her slippers appeared next to her feet. Most things he moved with the help of sand. It was as though to keep the distance. It had only been a week that she was here. And exactly a week too since ever their marriage. It was ridiculous to be married at the age of 15 to the Sand's Kazekage, but not so unusual among her clan. All they would think about was to secure that especially their daughters would have a good future. That's something she grew up with. And though,as much as her mother had fighted for her only daughter's freedom among three children, it was no use. Especially when the daugther was reckless enough to even agree, putting the future of the already small yet fairly strong clan, above hers. His opaque eyes bored into her while she finished dressing.

Though without doubt, his expression would soften every now and then, giving him a somewhat 'human' touch, she was careful nevertheless. Smiling softly at him, she hoped it would not offend him. His face muscles didn't move any. He did not return the smile, nor did he look angry. Was there a hint of an insecure feeling in his eyes? Sometimes she would wonder, wheter he even realizes what he has about life. Though he had changed for the better, the young woman still felt as though he would often just wander through life without realizing his surroundings. Just placing one foot in front of the other without watching where your feet are taking you.

Each Morning he would sit there and wait for her to wake up. Maybe having someone close to him, gave his life some kind of routine?

(Rika POV)

I rose from the bed and strode over to the closet. It was positionred right the way that if I opened the door, he would not see more than my ass. But I knew, he would look away either way.

"What are today's plans?" I asked, pretending not to have read the schedule before. I just wanted to get a conversation going. Hoping he would talk more than a singe word, he retorted with "Meeting." only. His deep voice, made his whole appearance evern scarier, though I was not afraid, not anymore. I had seen his weak spots, and I was to find out more. Or so I hoped. Hoping to understand him more, I had tried to start conversations with him. First I had noticed a blunt coldness each time a word passed his lips. But once he had gotten used to have a female around him, wearing the very same ring on her hand as me, his tone had softened a little. Not often, but each time as he felt comfortable. "You need to accompany me. It's in Konoha." he added.

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Pretty random, but came to my mind. Like the way it starts? If so, then review and I might continue. I am happy about every review. I amopen for suggestions about how to wrap this story up. So far, I have nothing set in my mind.

To all my other readers that read my previews fan fics already, I am sorry really. But work is keeping me so busy that I didn't get to finish the new chapters yet.


	2. Back in Konoha

**Back in Konoha**

_Chapter 2_

Rika finished dressing and shut the closet's doors. Tying her long red hair in a high ponytail and keeping most of her bangs out ofher face with a black bandana, she checked her appearance one last time and in the mirror attached to the door's front. Though not all her bangs had stayed behind she was satisfied with the outcome of her hair. After all, at a meeting you have to look good. His eye-lids were modestly dropped facing the floor. Glancing over her shoulder she made sure he hadn't been watching. "Can we go now?" he inquired and got to his feet. Crossing his arms in font of his chest again he waited for the woman's reply. "Yes." she nodded approvingly. The way he used to cross his arms made him seem as though he built his own barrier up whenever the sand wouldn't.

(Rika POV)

What will it be like to meet Naruto again? Would he have changed? Would he still be the same immature blonde-haired boy who always talked before he thought? I stiffeled a giggle as I followed Gaara. Might he have managed to ask Sakura out on a date already?

His head spun around and glanced at me for a short while. I just smiled at him and shook my head, signalizing my giggle was not meant for him. There was something cute about him though, whenever he woud give me this lost look. Though his facial expression barely ever changed, I could see the hidden hints.

"The actual meeting where you need to be present is held in the evening. You can visit your family in the meantime. I will come and get you when the meeting is held." he informed me politely. I felt as though I was a student supervised in a private school with lots of uptight teachers who would most likely still believe in spanking.

I was happy to get back to the green land I spend most of my life in. Though I did not grow up in Konoha and basically moved around more than settling, I had always been surrounded by green grass. This variatey of flowers and now, everything I would face when looking out of a window was nothing but sand. It looked the same, no difference, It was a weird dirty light brown. Not only was it slipping into every open slit of your clothes, it was a real pain. You might even get to eat sandy food if the cook wasn't careful. How Gaara could actually stand having this itching sand on his whole body while fighting was a miracle to me. But then again, maybe it makes your skin soft? I wouldn't know. The only bit of bodily contact with him was him grabbing my hand when he put the ring onto my finger. And by all means, I was too nervous to even think about his hand touching mine. For me, bodily contact, and if it's only a hug or shaking hands, are essential. I feel like detoxing – detoxing from bodily contact. How hilarious.

(Rika POV End)

"We are close." the red haired man informed as he came to a halt. "I will head for the Hokage's office immediately. This is the point where we part." His voice was the same as before. Usually you would have hugged each other shortly before parting, showing the other that you care, but Rika had learned already, that there was nothing like a hug or shaking hands in the world Gaara lived in. A nod would do it. And she nodded.

"Alright. I will see you then." But she could smile, smile all she want. Though at first, she felt like it might offend him in any way, thinking back on the events, where he was a bloodthirsty monster, ready to kill anything that's moving, she felt that a smile wouldn't do anybody any harm now. On the contrary, it might cause him to be a little happy even. He might just not show it, or not know how to define the feeling.

They parted and Rika headed straight for her family's house. Though they would often visit her, she wanted to see her house again. The house she had spent her past three years in. The house were Naruto had smashed quiet a few plates and broke a table.

---

(Gaara POV)

She smiled, she always does. Whatever it was, she would simply smile at him. I never saw somebody smiling as much as she does.

Stopping close before Tsunade's office, I took a deep breath in. This was the first meeting in Konoha, and the first as a married man. A husband to a woman who is a ninja of the Leaf Country. I was sure they would give me awkward looks. Not only was I the 'monster' I was now only married to a strong woman, they all know quiet well. It was not fear creeping up inside me, it was rather curiousity. I was curious as to how they would see me, now that two and a half years passed since ever I left them in shock after they had found out my true identity. Shuukaku. But I am a different man now – a new man. And they would treat me with the respect I deserve.

(Gaara POV End)

---

(Rika POV)

"Naruto!" I yelled upon seeing a blonde head of hair appearing somewhere in the distance. "Hey!"

I saw the figure moving faster and within less than a minute, he panted heavily besides me. "It's been a while." I chuckeled and patted his shoulder. Beaming all over his face he hugged me tight and released me a minute after with a shocked expression. "Hey, you've grown quiet a lot!" he exclaimed and eyed my closely. His eyes wandered up and down my body, though I was sure they had rested a little longer at my bosom. Smirking I smacked his head softly. "Dumb as ever, and I thought you would have matured." I teased him and gave him a cheeky look.

"Hey!" he took a step back and pointed his finger at me. "That was mean."

I laughed at him and shrugged my shoulders. "Anyways, down to more important matters." I shifted closer. "Asked Ssakura out on a date already?"

Awaiting the answer in excitement, Naruto's finger rested at his chin. It was then that I realized that his facial structures had become more manly, though there was something about his cute nose, that would always stay boyish.

"Euhm, no." he retorted.

"Oh Naruto, you loser." I smacked him again. "Can't you ever do anything right? It aint that hard." I protested and crossed my arms in front of my chest pretending to sulk.

"Hey, now who's the loser!" he defended himself and drew a kunai.

"Rika! Long time no see." It came from the top of a roof to my right.

"And it's the troublesome guy." I whispered before raising my voice to greet him. "Hey Shikamaru. Is everything still troublesome?" I began teasing him.

"Pretty much." he admitted and growled. I was used to seeing him and he was the only one besides the Sand Siblings to know about my marriage with Gaara. And I planned on letting it stay that way for longer.

"I see you still got it with the weird guys?" The black haired man teased me hinting my marriage with Gaara. Though I was not worred that Naruto would actually understand. He would just screw up his face and think for a while and eventually give up.

"Yes I guess so." I shrugged my shoulders and grinned. "It's you I'm still missing out."

The man's cheeks flushed in a soft pink upon hearing my words. That, he hadn't expected. "But oh, I forgot, you'd rather come and visit Temari." Sitcking my tongue out I threw my arm around Naruto's neck and gestured him to go for a walk.

"Hey!" The blonde protested a little.

"How would you know anyways? That about Shikamaru and Temari." Naruto inquired curiously. His eyes formed to small slits as he eyed me curiously again. "I thought you are moving to whereever the rest of your clan is."

"I did. My clan is just about everywhere. My grand-ma, my mother's mum, lives in the Sand. Hence why I stayed there for a while. She's like a Hokage of our family, or Kazekage you might call it." I explained and withdrew my hand, realizing it looked a little awkward.

"So why the hell didn't you ask her out already?" I yelled as it had come to my mind again. Poking his side furiously I awaited his excuse.

"I don't know!"

Man, I've got to help you with that. That's just a shame.

(Rika POV End)

---

The red haired woman's eyes fell upon a small pile of sand on one the high stone fences out of bricks. Immediately her eyes formed to slits just like Naruto's before. Duty's calling.

"Hey Naruto, I'll meet you later again I suppose, there's something I need to take care of." Her expression had stiffened suddenly. Patting him on the shoulder one last time and giving him a short smile, she rushed past him and vanished past the corner.

"We've got to leave." Gaara said leaning against the wall.

"I figured. Let's go then." Her cheerful tone had worn off. Something cold underlay her words now. It was his cold charisma that made it hard for her to keep her cheerful mood at all times. Dropping her head a little she followed her husband to Tsunade's office. Coming to a halt in front of it she asked. "And how are we supposed to enter?"

"Hm?" it came from the man to her right. Having his arms crossed in front of his chest again and staring blankly at the door. He did not bother to move his head to look into her eyes.

"They know we are married, should we just walk in like that? I don't know anything about this Hokage, er, Kazekage stuff, or whatever." She had actually felt small next to him. He would always stand in a manner people would think of him as being powerful. Calm. He would just be calm. He rheart though was racing, close to brusting out of her chest. She was 15, and so was he. Yet he carried this duty and responsibility as though it was something he grew up with. For her, it was something new, and she would have to prove her strength against the elders. "Stop looking like a stuffed hamster already." her head dropped. Now she had actually caught his attention. The oh-so-stiff face had actually moved its muscles. A mix of astonishment and the old blankness had crept into his face.

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I hope you'll like this chapter. I plan to add slight hints of other couples too. Mostly focusing on this young marriage and Gaara's changes though. Please review.


	3. Trust

**Trust**

_Chapter 3_

(Rika POV)

We were back home, back to the sand that would freak me out each day. I thudded onto the bed, listening to it creak.

"Gaara." I said softly but loud enough for him to hear. "Grand-ma gave me something today."

I had my eyelids modestly dropped and stared at my fingers. For some reason I was a little nervous.

"What did she give you?" he asked me in his monotone voice.

"Pills. Pills that will allow you to sleep without anything to happen."

"I don't believe they will work." he retorted sternly and rushed to the door.

"Try it at least!" I demanded and rushed to my feet stomping my left foot.

He stopped suddenly. I was a little scared, fearing I might have angered him. But I didn't. As he turned around my scared eyes met his cold ones. But he nodded, yes he nodded.

"Alright. Here take this. I will sit over there in case anything happens." I explained to him and placed a small pink pill in his hand. Just as he was about to protest I interjected. "Don't worry, I can handle you. I wont let you sleep for long enough if I sense danger." My eyes pierced his, hoping he would just try at least and not argue any further. His was to protect this village after all and to represent his family to the outside. I, was not a part of this family and so he had to make sure, that noone out there would ever find out it was an arranged marriage serving this weird purpose. They should believe that we were actually happy. Though Gaara did not bother to try and fake it. To him it was out of the question, he wouldn't even know how to.

(Rika POV End)

Each of them wore a ring, she was always at his side and he would protect the village and take part in meetings. That's what he believed to be marriage and being a Kazekage about. His siblings would not try to tell him otherwise either. Though he had to admit, that he enjoyed the company a little. Just because she was not scared. She wouldn't force a smile onto her lips as her siblings or people that just felt bad for him. She wouldn't need a minute to collect herself before talking to him, praying to stay unharmed. She was blunt, yet she would tell him in a way he would understand it without upsetting him. He sensed her fear at times, the fear that he would hurt her. Knowing she was strong and would know how to defense herself, didn't quiet encourage her. The monster would stay connected to the name Gaara and the 'Love'- Tatoo.

And even if he had to realize that a person that would agree to marry him feared him at times, each time she reminded him how much he had changed into a better person, he felt a hand nobody could see patting his shoulders, wishing it would be his mothers – the woman whose life he took. Wishing he would hear her say that her sacrifice wasn't for nothing and that she would be proud of him. Yet he was nothing to be proud of. A victim of a crazy father and wicked society. Yet there were two people besides his siblings that looked past this 'Monster' and at the human inside him. The fact that Naruto had gained so many friends, kept him going. "I want to become like Naruto." He had often told his wife. The only dream she knew about. A dream too obvious. And when she told him, that he had already achieved a little more than Naruto, and that being the ruler of a country, he felt something row in his heart. And even if he didn't have as many friends yet. He had Naruto's friendship in a way. They were more than just alike.

And knowing that Rika hadn't left his side yet, though she was free to go, and that she stuck to him, trying her hardest to be a friend to him, he actually felt something thaw. A part of the huge shell he had built up. Little by little it thawed with everything he did for his people. With every "Thanks" he heard of one of those he protected. _'Love heals those wounds caused in your heart.'_ He rememberd his uncle telling him. But where to find love?

It's not like becoming Kazekage, something he would have become either way after his father's death. But he was afraid to ask, believing he might get to hear that there was nothing like love for him. After all, he promised himself only to love himself. _'Maybe that's where I missed my chance and made a pact with fate. No Love for Gaara.'_

"Try." she pressed further. Gaara gave in. What was there to lose? It was hard to prove his people that he was not a monster anymore, but if he was able to control it, there was less for him to fear.

"Alright." he nodded firmly and sat next to the woman. Swallowing the pill she got to her feet and sat down on the chair. Gaara felt a little uneasy to have a woman watch him sleep, even though he had never slept before. But smart as she was, she judged from his looks and left the room. "I will come in a few minutes to check on you."

As the door fell shut Gaara laid down. He noticed something weird in her behaviour, yet he couldn't tell what it was. Was it some kind of fear? Fear of his monster's outbreak?

(Gaara POV)

I tossed around in the big bed for quiet a while. Sleep was hard. You would have to lay still and wait to fall asleep. But I wasn't tired, I was used to an enormous lack of sleep. So how was I supposed to fall asleep? Besides, your body rests and you don't notice anything going on around you. People could come in here and steal things, somebody could scribble onto his face, just like Kankuro would on Temari's when she was fast asleep. No, sleep is actually more dangerous than what he thought. Somebody could kill you while you sleep. So it might not be me killing someone but me getting killed….

(Gaara POV)

---

(Rika POV)

There was one thing that wouldn't leave my mind since ever I dropped the pill from my hand into his. Sleep for him would mean we actually had to share a bed. Not like it was now, that I slept and he would sit in bed for a while, scribblingon some papers and sit somewhere outside for the rest of the night. Now, if these pills worked and he was willing to take them, we would share a bed like a married couple does. Side by side.

I had waited for long enough and knocked on the door as quiet as possible. Upon hearing no answer, no groan, nothing I entered. And yes he was asleep. Though as expressionless his face was, it was neither hinting some anger nor happiness, It was just perfect. And even I had to admit, that there was something cute about watching him sleep. I wonder how it will be to him once he wakes up. First he would lay still as a stone. But as I sat on my chair watching him sleep for about half an hour, he started to toss around a little. Was he having a nightmare? I heard once that dreams are gates to your inner self. Was he being confronted with his inner self righ tnow? His past?

I played with the thought of waking him up as I saw his tossing increasing, yet I would let him have his sleep. And a small part was even afraid that he might slice me, he always had a kunai hidden somewhere in his clothes. Yes, I had to admit, that I was still a little scared of him, though I would assure him at any time without hesitating that I was not. I was just lying, like his family. They all were still afraid of what he is and what he was. As much as they would wish for it not to be so, it was.

(Rika POV End)

Heavy breathing and sweating all over his body the young man woke up. Sitting up straight to face the woman that had been watching him sleep he tried to hide the fact that he had nightmares. "I hate sleep."

"Oh it couldn't have been that bad." Rika stomped her foot and rushed over to him. Sitting on the bed's edge she hesitated to brush his cheek with the back of her hand as she would always do whenever her brother had tossed in his bed because of pain. Though her hand rested in her lap, where it was safer.

"All these images." he twitched a little. "My Past, The Present."

"I am sorry. I guess it's a bad idea then." Her head dropped a little. Mixed emotions of joy, little joy, and sadness. She was wished for him to live an ordinary life, but it was up to Gaara after all.

(Gaara POV)

I felt relieved at the same time though. My body felt lighter, my mind felt free. I wanted to tell her, yet I couldn't. I had grown up in a way where I knew that whatever others knew about me, could hurt me. I felt vulnerable telling her about these thoughts. She knew me better than anyone was supposed to already anyways. _'If you want others to trust you, you have to trust them first. Let them be a part of your life. You say you want somebody to share happiness, hate and sadness with? Let them in first.'_ I recalled my brother's words. Was he right? Would I need to let her know about my thoughts so she would trust me?

"I feel relieved though." I stammered, lowering my head a little so she could not look into my eyes. My piercing eyes had always been signalizing danger and my mood, now I turned them away from the person I should trust in order to hide the emotions creeping up inside me. "My body feels lighter and my mind feels free. I feel as though whatever was on my mind all day had been digested and new thoughts could fill my brain. As though-" I hesitated, raising my head a little to catch a glimpse of her face. "A new day had come."

(Gaara POV End)

"So you want to keep taking them?" The woman asked carefully, trying to look into his eyes he still kept turned away.

"I could give it another try, yes." he nodded approvingly before she stood up and strode over to the huge doors that led onto the balcony.

"I am glad to hear that." she turned around on her heels and beamed at him again. Though the man's sweat covered face wouldn't move a muscle.

"Seriously, if you don't ever try and smile, your muscles will get all stiff and you can't ever use them." she complained and sticked her tongue out. Every now and then she would tease him, hoping his shell woudld crack.

'_I want to be able to share happiness, sadness and hate with someone.'_

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Another fast update. :

I am glad you guys like my story so far, though I hope on seeing more reviews. :(

When writing this chapter, which turned out to be longer than I had expected, something came to my mind. Know the song Behind Blue Eyes by Limp Bizkit? I think it would perfectly fit for Gaara, don't you think?


	4. Thoughts and Dreams

**Thoughts and Dreams**

_Chapter 4_

„Are you still tired?" she asked gently as she strode over to the bed again.

"Somewhat." he replied wearily. Rika sat down on the bed and looked at the man to her right. "How is it." she hesitated. "to sleep?"

"Weird." he replied casually, not moving his eyes away from the spot he had fixated a while ago.

"Let's sleep then." she suggested and lay down. Pulling the sheets over her body she rolled onto her side. Waiting for his movements to have calmed down she closed her eyes. It was weird to have somebody lying next to her. Not only did the bed feel smaller she felt a little threatened even. If it had been for one of her brothers, then she wouldn't have minded, after all she was close to them, but Gaara, she didn't even know him.

He was like an empty book with a few scribbles inside. If you would have to describe his character, it would have been easy: calm. Though she was sure, he was boiling on the inside to be an ordinary young man and live his life that way too, just as he sees it each day when observing others. But on the outside he was just calm and cold. Like a statue. Just that he didn't let one feel this gentle and warm feeling when around a statue. Like it was caught in the perfect moment.

Eventually both fell asleep, but only to be woken up by Gaara's tossing a few hours later.

Rika, waking up from the tossing, leant over the man's body. His face puckered up every now and then and his fists clenched into the bedsheets.

Carefully she poked his side and backed away a little. Upon seeing it was no use and that he was apparently suffering from some nightmare, she started to shake him. Shake him until he was awake.

Suddenly he sat up straight, nearly bumping into the woman that had woken him up. "I am sorry." she stammered. "You must have had a nightmare."

Gaara's cheeks hinted some blushing. His hands strode through his face and his hair as though he wanted to wipe some sweat away. "Are you ok?" she inquired and lowered her head to catch a glimpse of his face. He had his head lowered, staring at his hands blankly. "It's nothing. I am ok." he retorted monotonely and laid down again_. 'Should I tell her about my dream?'_

Rika's hand rested in midair, unsure wheter to pat his shoulder now and stroke him, just as you would for someone that just had a bad dream in order to spend some comfort. Yet she always forgot, that he was not an ordinary human. He had different needs and needed different treatment.

Her thoughts wandered off to the meeting they had today.

_(Flashback Beginning)_

They strode inside, walking close to each other, yet not touching each other. The door shut, the woman on the opposite waved Hohenheim to one chair, settled himself in another and turned a gaze of acute inquiry upon his visitor. "We are glad to be here today, Tsunade." Gaara spoke.

"The pleasure is on my side." she chuckeled. "But down to more important matters." a few more men strode inside. The rest of the Kage's of the Hidden Villages. Gathering in the small room around the round table, each of them took a seat.

"We have come here to discuss the momentary situations between the villages." Tsunade folded her hands in front of her. "I am proud of the developments between Konoha and Sunakagure recently."

A few smiled at the young married couple. "I guess some goes onto their account." pointed one out. If it wasn't for him wearing this hat and the mask everyone would have seen him smile. Everybody but Tsunade and Rika and Gaara wore those robes.

'_They really believe we truly love each other.'_

Tsunade was about the only one, apart from their friends, who knew that there was no love in this relationship, not even affection. It was all for these two hidden villages. Rika noticed Gaara's awkward look on his face he had for a moment, when just another person believed into their love. "Oh how wonderful young love is." they would say.

_(Flashback End)_

"Hey Gaara." she broke the silence. "Let's make a deal."

"Hm?" he grunted.

"For every dream or thought you tell me about, I will tell you more about me." Waiting for his reply, she shut her eyes again.

'_Is it that what you call trust? Is it that what she's up to? Does she want me to trust her?'_

"Alright." he agreed. "If you think it's a good idea."

Beaming to herself she felt as though she took another step closer- another step closer to the cold man she would most likely have to spend her life with if nothing changed. _'It's all about gaining trust, right?'_

---

(Rika POV)

It was early in the morning that I woke up. I strode over to the closet as quiet as possible and changed into my every day clothes. I would head for Konoha today. I glanced over my shoulder at the man sleeping peacefully. There was something drawing me twards him when he was sleeping like that. There was no expression on his face again. No emotion I would see. No sadness, nothing, It was as though when he slept he felt good. As thoughthis was the time of the day when all his worries were sucked away. Are you dreaming? I wonder. Once again I was tempted to stroke his cheek gently before leaving, or run my hair through his probably silky hair. The time I had been with him, made me forget about the cold man and the monster he had been a little finally. Yet I still felt this hgue distance between us. And it was us, building the bridge of trust in order to reach the other shore.

The sun hadn't quiet risen yet, so the sand would still be cool and wandering to the Hidden Leaf wouldn't wear me out too much.

---

My feet finally touched grass, green grass. No sand anymore, nothing rubbing between my sole of the foot and the shoe. Though my family would keep telling me that our bloodline was made for the sand, I couldn't imagine to see Sunakagure as my home. Sand was sand. And it didn't quiet have as many variations as the Leaf had.

I headed right for the hospital, knowing that my brother had been hospitalized again. I figured mum must have left the hospital a while ago. She worked here part time since her medical skills were quiet different but effective. Though she had always dreamt of me being a medical ninja, it wasn't quiet my thing. Though considering my brother's sickness I had to put up with for long already, I did take it into consideration. The battlefield was were I felt best, fighting was what I wanted. That's where I could still prove my medical skills right? And that's where I believed them to be best. I didn't want to be tied to one place, to a hospital. Like I would never want to become a wife that had to stay in the kitchen and cook.

I was so lost in thought, I had forgotten that I had already reached Rei's room. Knocking, I entered. Private sphere was what we all valued the most. Though it was no use knocking at his door, for him being unable to hear me. He was unconcious. They had put him to sleep for a while for his wounds to heal better. We had thought it was ok, his body had gotten stronger and he was about to live a normal life again when he got injured, but his injuries wouldn't quite heal well.

"Rei." I whispered as I entered. I stroked his cheek gently and brushed a fear lose hairstrands out of his face. He had grown his hair long, just like our father. As I stood there, thinking back about everything that had happened since ever we came to Konoha, I felt sadness arising. And I let it go, right in front of the person I cared for. He wouldn't see or hear me crying, he wouldn't be there to comfort me, but around him, I felt as though I could let it go.

To my parents, I was the strong girl. To Gaara I was a wife and the one to show him that with hard work, you could change your path. But to my brothers, I was the fragile girl on the inside I had shut away most of the time.

"What am I to do?" I sobbed as I pressed my cheek onto the white bedsheets. "I want to help Gaara, I want him to be happy. But am I really capable of doing that? What if there's no _cure_? What if he had already slid into darkness and the love for himself for too long? Am I just wasting my time?"

I always had confidence, and I wasn't the type of person to give up easily. But Gaara was too hard to crack. I felt like giving up. Having shed thousands of tears for somebody who left me, without twitching even, I felt as though I didn't have to be the one to change something anymore. I had enough of being the person who tried to help others. I wanted to be selfish for once too. Yet I never realized I had always been. Believing that a person who cared for me and who I cared for, to be mine and to stay at my side. Ridiculous. Would Gaara tell me to leave too, if I started caring for him to the point I would refuse to go? Would he even want somebody caring about him? Or might he just feel as though I was pitying him?

As I had cried enough and left stains on my brother's bedsheets I got to my feet and walked outside. I didn't bother to wipe my tears away, I would let others see my sadness. Right now, I wished for somebody to hug me, but there was noone around. I was alone. Gaara, how could you put up with this lonliness, if I can't even put up with it for a few hours or a day?

Secretely I admired him and I was determined to tell him. I would let him know, that there was at least one person admiring him a little.

---

I touched the sand again, annoying as it was, it gave me a feeling of being back to a place I had longed for. The time I had been around the Kazekage, made me realize that even the easiest landscape had something beautiful, even though I couldn't get used to this simple brown sand.

"Rika-san!" I heard a girl yelling for me. Running towards me and wrapping her arms around my waist I saw a few kids following behind her.

"What's the matter?"

"The Kazekage-sama." she panted. "He's injured."

My eyes widened and I felt an odd feeling in my stomach. I never thought I would care. I felt as though someone precious to me had been hurt. Did I consider him a friend already, even if it was just the beginning?

I let them lead me to where the incident had happened. Soon my eyes fell upon a man dressed in black lying on the floor. Without doubt it was Gaara.

I knealt down besides him, intentionally touching his cheek. "Gaara?" I inquired, waiting for his reply. "Are you ok?"

My hand pressed onto a wound on his stomach. I saw his face puckering up in pain. Concern filled my eyes.

"Don't move!" I yelled at him. Suddenly I felt walls of sand arising to my left and right. Somebody had thrown kunai's at me. In shock I spun around. Blood-covered hands reached for my kunai's but there were none. Whoever had attacked me, he had stolen mine. Bursting a rock close to me I threw the shattered pieces at a spot where I suspected the enemy. But reinforcements were already there taking care of the situation.

My heart racing like mad, I turned around to the wounded man again. "Gaara." I swallowed. "You protected me." I forced the tears forming in my eyes back. I wouldn't cry over him. I wouldn't show him I am touched by his actions. I wouldn't make it this easy for him.

"A Kazekage has to protect his village." he pressed through his lips in pain. "And a husband has to protect his wife."

I smiled softly at him. "You truly are one of a kind."

(Rika POV End)

---------

Liked the chapter? I do hope so, it took me quiet a while to write it. I know it has been a little much about Rika, but it's essential for the future storyline I believe. Once again, I'll be happy to see reviews, so don't only read, REVIEW too:)

Since I've got quiet some ideas at the moment, expect an update soon, unless something keeps me off from writing.


	5. Thank You

**Thank You**

_Chapter 5_

(Gaara POV)

I felt strong arms wrapping around me and pain wandering through every of my limps. I was too tired to open my eyes.

Soft but cold hands started to open my shirt and exposed my chest.

I opened my eyes a little to catch a glimpse at the person treating my wounds. Red hair tickeled my cheek. "Rika?" I whispered.

"Yes." she rtorted under heavy breathing. A few cloths were pressed onto my chest to stop the blood-flow. I felt the cold and the liquid running down my side.

"What happened?" she asked me. I closed my eyes again.

"Why were you hurt even though Shuukaku was to protect you?" she was yelling. "And why did you even go and fight this guy on your own anyways!"

She panted. She had never yelled at me again. I had never felt this anger in her voice. The only ones ever yelling at me like this would be my victims. Though I sensed worry in her voice. Was she actually worrying over me? Or over the village's safety?

"I…." I began but my voice wouldn't let me talk. Besides, I didn't quiet fancy arguing with her.

"You should have waited for reinforcements to appear. You should have planned this more thoroughly. It was dangerous!" she continued yelling. Leaning over me, I saw her eyes piercing mine. I kept my eyes open as good as possible, but I was too exhausted. From the corner of my eyes I saw a single tear rolling down her cheek. Quickly she wiped it away. I was happy for a moment that she had shed a tear for me, but it wasn't a tear. It was just sweat. Just some sweat. I pressed my eyes shut again, ignoring this moment of weakness. Was it true, that a woman was a man's weak spot? The momentary happiness was sucked away. She continued yelling at me, I sensed both anger and worry in her voice. "Why didn't Shuukaku save you?"

"Gaara!" she gently slapped my cheek. "What the hell is wrong?" her voice had gotten softer.

"I was yelling at you for like 10 minutes straight and you wouldn't even talk back?" I saw her frowning.

"And where were you?" I rose my voice.

"I was in Konoha." she swallowed turning her head away quickly, pretending to take care of my wounds.

"What were you doing there? You didn't leave me a note."

"I had to do something." she retorted sternly and removed the cloth from my wound. I winced in pain. Were we arguing now? Arguing like a married couple would?

"Why did Shuukaku not protect you?" she pressed further.

"I have no idea. Even though his attacks were incredibly fast, it should have protected me. Though this guys aim was not exactly me, it was the whole village. It was hard not to miss any of his attacks he threw just about anywhere. I failed. I guess my mind wandered off for a moment." I winced in pain again, pressing my eyes together. _'Your mind wandered off? Are you sick or something?'_

"It's ok. You did your best." she said warmly and I felt her cold hand stroking my cheek. Even though just for short and pretty fast, but I felt it. I felt somebody touching me in a caring way. My body felt heavier than ever. But for this single moment, I had forgotten all of my pain. Was this was Yashamaru was talking about?

"The pain should wear off soon." she smiled at me. Automatically my face-muscles moved to a small smile. I sensed a sudden gleam in her eyes as she noticed this pathetic smile.

"Thank You." she said, dropping her eyelids modestly as she kept treating my wounds.

"What for?"

"Just so."

I couldn't quiet see her face, but it looked as though she was smiling.

"A Thank You from the person that acknowledges me means more to me than a Thank You I hear from these village's people." I saw her hair shaking along with her movements as her head spun around to face me. "I am glad." she smiled at me. "I am really glad."

(Gaara POV End)

---

"My uncle told me once that Love can heal the wounds in your heart." Gaara broke the silence.

No one knows what it's like

To be the bad man

To be the sad man

Behind blue eyes

And no one knows

What it's like to be hated

To be faded to telling only lies

Rika's head turned around to face him. They were both standing on the balcony. "That's true I think."

"I asked him how to receive Love, I wanted it. But I was told I was already receiving it." he continued, staring off into the wide distance. "But it didn't help. They all betrayed me. What does Love really feel like?"

But my dreams they aren't as empty

As my conscious seems to be

I have hours, only lonely

My love is vengeance

That's never free

No one knows what its like

To feel these feelings

Like i do, and i blame you!

"But now I know, that nothing can be gained without hard work. And I believe that receiving Love for me, would mean the hardest work ever."

Rika's face puckered up a little. She was struggling with herself. What to do?

"My own father wanted me dead." His face was filled with anger, his hands formed to fists. Rika's hand reached for his left hand and held it tight. "What happened to you is horrible, but look at what you have now." She took a step closer to him, releasing his hand again.

"I Guess." his head hung low.

"Today, I was visiting my brother."

Gaara's head spun around. "You told me about yourself, now it's my turn." she smiled. _'Though I knew your story already.'_

"He's in hopsital." she swallowed. "once again."

"What happened?" he stammered.

"It's been that way for years already. Since ever-" she swallowed. "Well, for years. I can't even remember when it started. It's some kind of sickness nobody can define. But at random times, it causes his metabolism to go crazy." For short her eyes met his, but she turned away quickly again.

No one bites back as hard

On their anger

None of my pain woe

Can show through

No one knows what its like

To be mistreated, to be defeated

Behind blue eyes

No one know how to say

That they're sorry and don't worry

I'm not telling lies

"I couldn't even imagine him being ok again. It's been so long already." she chuckeled in a pathetic way. Gaara completely puzzeled, wondered what to do. She was sad, she felt the same kind of pain he did, pain in her heart. But could he heal it? _No_.

He felt as though he had no control over his actions anymore. His hand moved to touch her upper arm. "I am sorry to hear that."

Startled her head spun around to face him as a single tear rolled down her cheek. _'Now you shed a tear, but it's over your brother Not me. Once again not me. No tears for Gaara.'_

The familiar feeling from before stroke him again. "Remember at the exams when Hinata was lying on the floor, injured? Shortly before you were to fight Lee?"

He nodded approvingly, his hand still resting on her upper arm. "And do you remember a man collapsing?" she sobbed heavily.

"Yes." he retorted casually in his many voice.

"That." she swallowed. "Was my brother. He." she chocked out in a whisper. "had collapsed."

"Just once out of a thousand times that followed and that had happened already." she turned away and took a few steps away. Gaara was like frozen to the spot. His legs wouldn't move, yet his mind wanted to follow.

"But hey." she spun around and smiled. "Nevermind. Let's talk about something happier."

"There's nothing happy in my life to talk about." he retorted sternly and stared into the distance again his hands resting on the parapet.

"Then we need to create a happy moment."

"You do not need to, I can sense you are shaking. You are afraid." A bitter tone underlay his words. The woman's expression sadened for a moment there.

"I am not, I am just agitated." she smirked and took a step closer.

Gaara turned around and faced her. "You do not need to." he hissed. "I do not need anybody to force himself to hug me."

He rushed past her, ready to enter their bedroom.

"I." she hesitated. "I am sorry." she exclaimed. "But hey, come to think of it." she waited for him to face her.

"Didn't we actually share some feelings today? Didn't we share some pain about past events, even though they were completely different?" She anxiously awaited his reply, hoping he would agree.

"I guess you are right." He headed for the door leading into their bedroom again, but stopped shortly before stepping inside. "Thank You."

-------------------------------------

So yeah, the next chapter. Why wont more people review? Do you like the progress of the story so far even? I'll update soon again,the next chapter is already in progress. And yeah no big deal as to why Gaara got wounded. ;P

Anyways, I am glad to hear my OC is liked, I was hoping it would turn out in a way that actually seemed human and not Mary Sue-like. There was a reason why I revealed why Gaara did actually get hurt and about Rei now. ;)

The song parts inbetween are from the Song Behind Blue Eyes.


	6. I Need You

**I Need You**

_Chapter 6_

(Gaara POV)

I woke up to an empty bed again. Did she leave for Konoha again? Is she visiting her brother again?

I slid to the bed's edge and placed my feet on the cold floor. For some reason I felt a little lonely. The room was so much bigger when it was only one person filling the space. I glanced to my right. The bed was done. Tidy as always.

I put on my usual clothes and the robe. As I opened the door, I nearly bumped into Kankuro. "Kankuro, what's the matter?" I asked him, startled as ever.

"Hey, Bro." retorted the elder somewhat shaky. "Mind if we sit down for a while?"

Gaara shook his head and drew two chairs. "Well then, what is there you want to talk with me about?"

"I noticed you and your wife." he chuckeled. "spend a lot of time tigether lately."

"You do not need to refer to her as my wife, just to remind me that I am married earlier than you." retorted Gaara monotonely.

Kankuro swallowed. "Alright, alright." He waved his hands attemtping to calm the younger.

"Anyways, what I wanted to get at is-"

(Gaara POV End)

---

(Rika POV)

I had been in Konoha more often than I thought. What surprised me though was that I didn't meet Sakura or Naruto again. Where might they be? I felt a soft breeze brushing against my legs as I strode through the streets. Should I pay my family a visit?

My hair danced along with the wind. Every now and then a few hairstrands would cover my face. When I was in Suna I missed Konoha. Now I was in Konoha and I started to miss the sand. The itching sand. As much as it hurt when it slid through any clothes opening, I was used to it. Sand was his element. And what was mine?

"Hey Shikamaru, I see you are not in The Sand for once." Rika exclaimed as the black haired man was in sight.

"Oh, you again." he frowned a little.

"What? Dissappointed it's not Temari you are seeing?" she teased him.

"Shut up." he groaned and put his hands into his pockets.

"Hey, come to think of it, there are times where I get to see you more often than my own husband." Rika said, raising an eyebrow at the young man.

"That's not true."

"Yeah sure. I wonder what you and her might be up to in the woods, on your own, when you commute from The Sand to here." she began teasing while inncoently placing her left finger onto her chin.

"Hey! What are you trying to imply?" Shikamaru freaked and backed away.

"Haha. Don't be ridiculous. You are 15, don't think you've got all control over your body." she gibed. Shikamaru though pretended not to have any interest.

"Did you go on a diet, you look slimmer than you used to." he tried to change the subject.

"Ugh, I'm not like Ino. I didn't. It's just, well, mum was busy lately and dad had to cook, which would mean that at times we would either get no food at all or something your stomach would quiet have some trouble digesting."

Shikamaru released his hands from the state they were in and shoved them back into his pockets.

"Imagine your mum would refuse to cook and start working and your father had to cook."

Shikamaru's faced screwed up. "Yes, mothers are indeed great."

"Oh! You saying that, that's quiet something new." she patted his back a little harder, which caused him to fall forward nearly. "I am impressed, I guess puberty did change you for the better." Giving him a cheekish grin, the man frowned. "Stop messing around with me!"

"And your sudden surprise in women…I wonder." she winked. "And hey! We've had a conversation for 5 minutes and you did not mention the word 'Troublesome' even once."

Shikamaru's expression froze. "You are troublesome."

"That wasn't quiet the attitude I am used to from you." she spouted. "That was lame. Shikamaru, you got soft. Softer against women. I believe your natural interested for them is starting to develop."

Looking at her as though she had gone crazy, he pinched her arm. "You are crazy."

"Says the man that tries to make out with an _older_ woman in the woods and forgot his most favourite word."

Somewhat I adored Shikamaru. He was always so calm and collected. He was smart and he would do what had to be done, even if it was just _troublesome_. And even if women were his only problem, I would trade my life for his. No sick brother, no messed up family, no marriages for the sake of two countries that couldn't get along on their own without two young people risking their future. _'Enjoy your youth, it's never going to come back.' _I recalled my oldest brother's words.

I had exited Konoha's gates believing that my future was not to be found here. And now I come back through this gates, knowing I left my future behind here. It's not like I regret this marriage, but I regret having shed so many tears here, before I finally brought up the strength to take a step forward. That's what I didn't want to happen to Gaara. To be trapped like me in one place. While everything around you changes, you are like the wheel that's stuck. And when your surroundings have gotten unfamiliar enough, you realize that you wasted your time. I never told you what my yesterday's Thank You was for, but I will. I will.

---

"_Rika-sama!"_

I sped after one of Gaar's – my – subordinates as fast as possible. "He has seriously been injured!" I was informed.

I came to a halt. I froze. My eyes fell upon the Kazekage's motionless body lying on the floor. I heard Naruto raging. "Naruto!" I exclaimed and ran up to him. "What happened?"

"He is dead!" Naruto sobbed.

I took a few steps away, waiting for his words to seek through my brain. _Dead_.

I stood further away, watching the scene. Watching Naruto cry and rage and curse just about anyone. Yes I know Naruto, life is unfair. Just as you established in society, it's taken away from you again. I forced my tears back.

Suddenly I saw the old woman moving over his body. What was she up to? No! She couldn't-!

Yes, it was the forbidden jutsu. She would trade her old life for his. You have so many people caring for you, liking you, yet you never saw it. How ignorant. I chuckeled as tears streamed down my face. Reluctantly, step by step, I approached him. Approached my husband's dead body. My body was trembling. I did care for him. He was a friend, but I never told him. It was then, that I realized once again, that I was too late. It's these moments that last forever. I should have told you all along. But I was afraid, yes I was. Just like a little girl, I was afraid. Afraid of the monster that might still slumber inside you. Just like everyone else I lacked faith in you. No matter how often I would lie straight into your face that I wasn't afraid and that I did support you, it was just another big lie. Maybe our lives are nothing but a lie. Maybe I am living a lie. A lie about my feelings for _him_, my previous lover. A lie that I trust you. A lie that I would hug you when needed.

Maybe I don't see it anymore when I do lie. But you, you were honest, and you believed that I was too. But in the end, I wasn't. Maybe life was just a big knife stabbing you every now and then. Those that are strong move forward despite their wounds, and those that aren't die eventually. You were the one moving though you were soaked in blood.

"And where the hell is his stupid wife? Isn't she supposed to be around her husband!" Naruto yelled. "Where the hell are you?"

I winced at his words, even more tears streaming down my face. I had no idea why I cried. Was it because of Gaara? Was it because I let everything go that I had shut away? The pain I had experienced?

"Show your filthy face you bi-!"

"I am here!" I yelled as I pressed my eyes shut so hard that everything went black.

"I am here." I sobbed. "I am." I swallowed feeling that my throat had dried out. "his wife."

Naruto had stopped raging and stared at me blankly. Slowly I raised my head to look at the blonde.

"Are you kidding me?" Naruto retorted shakily, yet some anger filled his words.

"No Naruto." I said softly, finally raising my head to face him. "I truly am."

I thudded into the bloody grass next to Gaara. Once again he wore this peaceful expression I adored so much. Had they suceeded? Would he come back to life?

I touched his cold hand. How much bigger it was compared to mine. It was manly and not all that soft.

Suddenly I felt his grip tightening. "Gaara?" I whispered, hoping for a reply.

Gaara's eyes opened, his opaque piercing eyes. I believed this was the right time. Now or never.

I hugged him, hugged him tight yet taking care not to crush his fragile body. "You had me so worried." I sobbed allowing my tears to stream. Slowly I released from the hug and faced the young man. I giggeled as I saw a soft blush on his pale skin. "See all these people here?" I asked him, hoping my voice wouldn't shake too much. "They are here for you. These people, they need you." I waited for these words to take their effect. Gaara turned his head around to look at the people surrounding him. "They need you as their Kazekage. But more importantly." I gathered all my strength. Could I let him know? Was it ok to tell him, or would I regret it afterwards? A small part inside me still felt as though some would believe I am crazy. But then again, I was thought of as crazy often already. I would just add another thing to their list. "I need you as a friend."

"I guess she's finally over _him_, don't you think?" he commented towards Sakura as he gently poked her arm. Sakura nodded and smiled. "Yes it seems as though we've changed once again."

"Oh Youth!" screamed Gai pressing Lee tight against his side.

-----------

Now wasn't that cute:3

But I plan to add some slight trouble still, even though he knows he has her friendship now. Watch out for updates!

And I'm really glad that I got more reviewers now. ;) Thanks. I hope this chapters is a suitable reward. You guys keep reviewing, I keep writing and the story keeps going for much longer.


	7. Old Love

**Old Love**

_Chapter 7_

(Someone's POV)

I watched her thin arms wrapping around this red haired young man. Who was he? His face, I remember it. I felt my heart crushing as I gritted my teeth. "You betrayer…" I hissed at the sight of these two. Wrapping your arms around this filthy guy. Yes I remember who he is, Gaara – Gaara of the Sand. What a monster. Do you fancy monsters now, hm? Did your heart get this confused to actually pick a monster as your next potential lover? You pathetic little girl. It's me you promised your love to and now I see you betraying me? You are not going to get away this easy. Just look at all these people, wooting for this guy. Who was he anyways to dserve this attention? Especially the attention of _my_ girl, my pretty girl.

(Someone's POV End)

---

"Bring Gaara home." Rika ordered. "I need to visit Tsunade-sama and inform her about the current sitation. Don't worry." she smiled at her husband. It was probably the first time she actually felt that the ring both were wearing wasn't all that misplaced.

"Hey Naruto, you were great." Sakura blushed and twirled her hair nervously. "What if we go out on a date for once, as – let's say – some kind of reward?"

Sakura couldn't have made it happier. Kakashi hiding his smirk behind his mask was proud on Naruto. "For once, you did something right. Right enough for a girl to ask you out. Go boy!"

Rika stiffeled her laughter as she saw Naruto's cheeks flushing red. "Yes yes Naruto, now you finally got what you wanted. Though." she sighed. "I believe I will have to make sure this date wont end in an disaster. I don't quiet trust you, not after you've been around the perverted Jiraya for so long." She told herself. Waiting for the group along with Gaara to have vanished into Suna's direction, she took her leave for Konoha.

---

(Rika POV)

I felt the cool air brushing over my body as I entered Konoha's gates. The streets were as empty as her bed in Suna would be right now. How she longed for a warm bed.

"You look a little lost." someone commented behind me. Spinning around my gaze fell upon a man. A man I knew very well. I felt a heavy rock crushing my body, as though Gaara had me burried under his sand. Heavier than anything. Trying to keep her balanced she retorted sternly. "No I am not." I saw his dark eyes again as a soft breeze blew away his bangs. These eyes filled with darkness, yet pure enough to enthrall her. I alawys believed eyes were the gates to a person's soul. "I need to leave, good bye." she said placidly and headed for the Hokage's office. The man was persistant though and followed her.

"Stop following me!" she yelled at him ready to slap him, though his movements were fast and he had caught her hand before she was able to raise it.

"Tsk Tsk Tsk." he smirked, with his other hand in his pockets. "How painful of you, to be greeting me like that." Pulling his hand out of his pockets he pressed it onto his chest, right where his heart was located, drama-like.

"Shut up. You went away. I can greet a betrayer like you any way I want." she hissed, withdrawing her hand. "Get away."

"I like the way you dress, it exposes a lot of skin." he mocked into her ear. The tip of his tongue caressed her earlobe.

Pushing him away hardly she pierced him with her eyes.

"You Betrayed me!" he suddenly yelled sounding almost drunken though she had not smelled any alcohol. "You little brat betrayed me with this monster, this Gaara-guy. The sand's monster." he laughed hysterically.

"He aint a monster." I yelled. "Now leave me be."

"What for?" he smirked shifting closer.

I took a few steps back. Feeling his hot breath on my skin, I confided into his movements which pressed me closer to a wall, far away from the streetlights.

As much as my lips longed for his warm flesh, I couldn't kiss him. "I hate you for being alive." I whispered as I felt his hand touching my tigh. "Hate keeps me going, come on, tell me you hate me." I saw him smirk again. His snake-like tongue touched my lips, though I refused to open my mouth for it to slide in. I allowed him to wetten my lips. His hand wandered up furhter, while his left had my right hand pinned to the cold stone wall. Even though there was no need to, he loved treating me like his prey. One year, one long year without him. Things changed, I had changed, my body had changed. And I knew he wanted to explore it, wanted to know each new detail.

I wanted to push him away. I wanted to stay innocent of his sick ideas, but I was helpless. "I hate you for being the one that stopped me from moving on." I whispered once again, though a small smirk crept onto my face, my eyelids were modestly dropped. He did not look into my eyes but shifted his hand further up until he had reached my underwear. I was like frozen to the spot, I wanted to run, run and prevent my already fragile heart from more pain, but maybe this was what would heal it. Just to feel his skin pressing against mine again. An imagine of Gaara flashed through my mind. "I did not betray you with him." I hissed into his ear. "You betrayed me to begin with. It was just fair for me to betray you too."

"We shall prove wheter you really want this Gaara." he smirked at me again and pressed his forehead against mine, waiting for my face to soften. I felt his index finger exploring sensitive spots.

Though I was immobilized against his touches, I couldn't get myself dirty again. I had thrown this jacket away when I allowed myself to play this game. He would always seduce me and make me feel as though I was the only one for him. But I never felt this was real. "I am happy you were gone." I whispered. "Yet a small amount loved you either way." Now or never.

"Go!" I yelled and pushed him away. He had trouble finding his balance again. "Just get back where you came from."

I still felt the feeling, a feeling of joy. As much as I had hoped to feel this pleasure again he often caused me, I knew it was wrong. I wouldn't be his toy again. And if I had to be anybody's toy, I wanted to be Gaara's, the only other male aside from my brothers I would trust. Whenever _he_ touched me just like now, I felt that I was nothing but his puppet. The puppet he would go to when his primitive sexual needs would cause him to search for me again. Just to leave me in an exhausted state, lying in my own sweat. I wanted to leave this behind, the life of being his slave. Though I had to admit, that there was still a feeling left for him. A feeling for who he used to be. Love is complex and just as Gaara had told me once _"Important people don't always have to be good."_ I had experienced on my own that the people you love don't need to be good either.

"Go away already. Get lost. I am married to Gaara and I love him." Though this was a lie I felt soaring through every of my limbs, I wanted to hurt him. Hurt him worse than a knife could.

Though he tried his hardest to hide it, I sensed some pain in his eyes. Short but it was present. I had finally hit the weak spot. And as much as Gaara's friendship, I was sure to have now, caused my heart to jump in joy, it hurt me to have to use him as a lie to flee from my previous love. "There's no love left for me. I'd rather fuck Gaara than you." I yelled. Swiftly covering my mouth I had realized what I just said. My mind and my mouth had stopped interacting as soon as I felt his warm hands touching me where I would only touch myself. Just look at what you are making me say? How pathetic.

I watched him smirk. Smirking at me with the same expression he would always give me when he was horny. "Just get lost."

I was proud of myself. Proud that I didn't let the _demon_ get the better of me.

I rushed away. Tsunade could wait. I wanted to get back to Gaara.

---

And for the first time when entering the room to where we slept, I felt as though this was my home. I felt safe.

He was standing on the balcony, hands resting on the parapet. He didn't hear me enter. You are so much more calmer than he is. I lingered in this moment for a while, watching him.

Quietly I approached him from behind. Watching his rather spikey hair waving in the soft breeze I wrapped my arms around him from behind. "Sorry." I whispered into his ear.

"What for?" he asked me in his mature voice, calm and collected. You weren't shocked when I came from behind? Guess you sensed me.

"I didn't talk with Tsunade anymore, she was away." I lied.

"That's not a reason to say sorry." he retorted. My hands still rested on his shoulders. My left hand held my right in front of his chest, he couldn't escape. I didn't tell him what this sorry was for. This was exactly the position I was always in when with _him_, my old love. I would gently kiss his cheek. And I was temtped to do so now too, just to keep the tradition alive. But I couldn't. I was afraid of his reaction. The pain and the need to move on drove me into coming closer to Gaara, or so I believed.

"Are you ok? Did something happen?" he asked me and I even sensed a worried tone in his voice. Or was that just because you were embarassed because of me hugging you?

"No, why?"

"You are trembling." Gaara pointed out, as his left hand reached for my cupped ones. I felt his warm hand on my cold ones. It was then that I realized that I actually trembeled.

"I suppose you are right." You carry your burden, I carry mine. You shall not know about him until I defeated him on my own. Defeated him out of my heart. "Tomorrow I want to go visit my brother. Is that ok with you?" I asked him as my head rested in his shoulder.

"You are free to go anywhere you want to. You are not tied to this place." He spoke, yet his voice was a lot warmer than before.

"But maybe, that's exactly what I want. Being tied to a place for once." I withdrew from our embrace and left the balcony.

(Rika POV End)

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Another fast update. Hell if I keep updating at this rate the story might end soon. And come on people, review:) But this might change for short, due to me being on vacation.

I'll be away from Monday the 7th to Friday the 11th so expect one last update maybe and then, I'm away. And I expect to see lots of reviews when I'm back. Just kidding.


	8. Spending My Time Thinking Of You

**Spending my Time Thinking of You**

_Chapter 8_

(Gaara POV)

I lingered some more on the balcony inhaling the soft breeze of dry air.

My heart, it had felt funny when she wrapped her thin arms around me. I am glad to see you are still alive. I chuckeled. I had believed my heart died long ago when I was told to love myself. Now it actually felt awkward. Was it ok? Might I suffer from something similar to Rei's sickness?

I strode past our bed, catching a glimpse of the woman wrapped into the bedsheets. A sigh escaped her lips. Asleep already?

I shuffeled my feet down the hall. I had put off my robe already, leaving me in black clothes.

I knocked onto my brother's door waiting for him to open.

"Who Is it at this late hour?" I heard his familiar voice growl.

"Your brother." I retorted casually.

"Oh." I heard Kankuro's voice drop. "Come inside."

I did as ordered and entered. A stinging scent met my nose. I fought the urge to cover my nose. It was a somewhat manly sweaty scent and the scent that would linger in every room here. Sand isn't smelling you say? I say it is. At least it causes your nose to itch every now and then.

"I want to talk to you." I caught his attention. Dropping whatever magazine he was reading off the right side of his bed, he got to his feet. I noticed a swift movement of his, shoving his magazine under the bed. I didn't bother about it.

"So what do you want to talk about?" he woke me up.

"What's this feeling." I asked hovering my right hand over my heart.

"What? You got heart-ache?" he asked me gesturing for me to go on talking. I didn't respond. "Love-sick?" Kankuro gibed.

"What's it like?" I interjected. My brother's expression froze as though I had given him this special look of mine again, this threatening look. But my expression kept stale.

"Being Love-Sick? Well." he touched his chin, thinking. I patiently awaited his answer.

"You, euhm. You miss someone, really bad." he stammered. Scratching the back of his head he continued. "You miss someone you care a lot for or love even. You." he paused, stretching the last part in the you. "You feel as though a part is missing, I suppose."

I nodded approvingly, singalizing that I had understood. "Well then I am not love-sick." I retorted casually, my head modestly dropped and my arms crossed in front of my chest.

"Good." Kankuro siad. "No not good. Well…" he scratched his head again. "Good you aren't feeling love-sick. Euh…You know what I meant anyways." Kankuro's voice wore off.

"But the feeling I meant is like a shock runing through you. Starting at your heart it rushes on through every of your limbs. What is that?"

"Hm." His older brother thought hard. "You were horny?" Kankuro suggested shrugging. "I'm not the right person to ask such things." Now that I was sure I wasn't. Or was I? How would I know to begin with?

I turned around on my heels. "I suppose I will ask Temari about that then."

Leaving my brother in a stunned state I was sure to have heard a relieving sigh as soon as he was sure I wouldn't hear him anymore.

---

Finally I found my sister in the kitchen. Preparing food? It seemed that way, or whatever you call useless attempts at cutting a carrot into little pieces the same size. She wasn't a born cook, hence why we had people cooking for us.

"Temari." I tried to catch her attention. Just as expected she winced.

"You scared me there for a moment." she chuckeled nervously. You would have been scared if you knew I am coming too I bet. You will always be a little afraid I fear.

"I want to talk to you."

"Talk to me?" Temari looked around as though she expected somebody standing behind her.

"Yes, you my sister." I retorted casually, yet a little annoyed she treated me like air.

"Sis-. Yes of course. What's the matter?" She asked politely and gestured for me to sit down. Surprised I called you sister? This family sure is cracked up.

"Why do people have this feeling, that goes through each of their limbs. Like a shock."

"Somebody scared you?" Temari suggested, looking dumbfounded.

"No." I retorted and hovered my hand over my heart once again. "It starts here. It's not a bad feeling. As though." I searched for the right words. But how would I know? I never bothered to read nor any other kind of literature that would help me describing what I felt right now. Other than this one poem Rika showed me once. Her brother wrote it, or so she told me. I hadn't met them for two and a half years now. I wonder wheter they are worried about their younger sister and me together here in this huge building. Or wheter they are afraid what I might do.

"It's like a rush of emotions. Giddy might describe it a little." I felt my non-existant pride sinking. Something about this made me feel weak. No shield of sand could protect me from my feelings I had to realize at some point. And lately, my feelings were just as unstable as any sand-castle.

"Oh. I understand now." Temari grinned. She grinned? Why would she grin at me? "I suppose you've got a crush." She playfully punched my upper arm.

"A crush?"

"Yes." She nodded. "Or." she hesitated. "You were just feeling this because…" I saw her face muscles straining to a thinking pose.

"I just felt this way because nobody ever dared to touch me." I retorted sternly and strode past my sister. "Thanks for the talk." were my last words before I had left the kitchen. No crush, sister. Just something I had never really expierenced. Touching. Would she keep hugging me? Was she feeling the same? Or was she actually familiar with that feeling? Or didn't she feel it at all?

Since ever I had questioned my existance my mind hadn't felt this full. And what if I had a crush? How would I know I really have? Is there anything like signs? How would I notice?

(Gaara POV End)

---

(Rika POV)

I entered the dimly lit room again. The scent of alcohol and the smell a hospital usually had from various desinfection fluids met my noise. How I hated this smell. Yet another reason why I would never work here. Same room, same number but not the same picutre met my eyes. "Rei?" I stammered. A thin, fairly tall man was sitting in his bed gazing out of the window. "Hello Rika." he retorted wearily. His hair had already grown so long ago. It was pitch black was longer than shoulder-length. As his head spun around I saw his bangs moving along with his movements. Bangs from his side parting covered his right eyes. His eyes were nearly as black as Gaara's. I tried my best at hiding my tears. You've spent too much of your youth here already.

"Hey Hey." he smiled. "Don't give me that look, girlie."

"Heh." I lowered my head. "How are you doing?"

"As always." He retorted casually and shifted aside to give me some space to sit. 'As Always' would mean something like 'I can bear with the pain.'

"What else is there on your mind?" he asked me, turning his gaze away again. Reluctantly I sat down. "A lot. But mostly." I hesitated. "_He_ is back."

I felt my brother twitch behind me. "Everybody was thinking he would, but it's earlier than expected."

"My problem is, that I got good friends with Gaara and I am actually happy to be in this marriage, even if it's just, well fake. But now that he is back, I feel the old times again, how things used to be. The time we shared. And I want it back, knowing it's wrong. There's nothing like it used to be anymore." I leant against my brother's side while talking. It had been long since I was last this close to him. Everything had changed so fast.

"Obviously you are confused. But ask yourself this question, who do you think means it honest? Concerning caring for you."

"What would you suggest?" I asked, turning around to look into his eyes. His face was so pale, he looked older than the 17 years he was.

"Caring for you as a brother I would tell you to forget him. There's somebody new caring about you, and that is Gaara. But I also do know, that it's your heart deciding, and you feel different about things than others do. You are unqiue after all." He cracked a smile. Weak but I saw it.

"I am not sure wheter Gaara even cares this much." my voice dropped. "I believe he just sees it as his duty as a husband, nothing more."

"Prove yourself. Go and see yourself wheter he really does." He gently pushed me off the bed. "Oh and by the way, tomorrow's family meeting."

"Ack. Great. Means Gaara has to be present too? Just because my relatives want to see my husband." I gibed, sticking my tongue out.

"There wont be a lot coming."

(Rika POV End)

---

(Gaara POV)

I sat on the bed, thinking about each night that I had shared this with a woman.

I heard the door creak behind me. "Back already?"

"Yes." she retorted. There was something I liked about her voice. Did that count as a crush?

"There's a meeting at my house tomorrow. Family meeting. And you have to come with me." I was informed.

"I see. I guess it will be nice to meet your family again. How's your brother doing?" I asked, hoping she would acknowledge my interest in her family.

"He's doing better. He will be present tomorrow. " I noticed a slight smile.

"You are happy, right?" I asked her, nearly smiling back even. Why did they move on their own, my muscles?

"Yes I am." she retorted happily and thudded onto the bed. "And what where you doing today?"

I thought for a while. Would it seem wrong to tell her? Would she even find it cute? Though I had never been sure of the right definition for cute, it seemed as though every had his own.

"I spent my time thinking of you." There I had said it and this feeling crept up on me again. I was not suffering from a heart-disease, was I? Maybe Temari was right, it was indeed something like a crush. Or was I horny as Kankuro suggested? I guess that wouldn't fall into the right category.

"That's cute." she rolled onto her back and looked up at me. And once again I saw her smile. And I smiled back, as good as I could. One moment, lasting forever.

'_In __physiology__, a smile is a __facial expression__ formed by flexing __muscles__ most notably near both ends of the __mouth__, but also around the eyes. Among __humans__, it is __customarily__ an expression of __pleasure__ or __amusement__, but can also be an involuntary expression of __anxiety__, in which case it can be known as a grimace. There is much evidence that smiling is a normal reaction to certain stimuli and occurs regardless of culture.'_

That's the definition I had looked up today. I remember now why I never fancied books, they were just confusing. Are you smiling at me out of amusement or pleasure? Or is it anxiety?

Either way, I believe smiles are great.

(Gaara POV End)

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I know the last part was somewhat Sai-like but I just felt it would fit somewhat. :

I hope you enjoyed this chapter and if you catch me in a good mood, there might be even another update before I leave for vacation. There's still lots of time.

I am looking forward to see your thoughts on this chapter.


	9. Grandma's Announcement

**Grandma's announcement**

_Chapter 9_

(Wow Chapter 9 already)

(Rika POV)

Slowly I blinked my eyes as I woke up. I had slept pretty bad and was tossing around for at least an hour before my body finally rested peacefully. Yet my body was still asleep while my brain wasn't.

And as I waited for my eyes to adjust to the bright sun, I felt something lowering and rising beneath me. It was warm. It was – Gaara's chest.

Like stung I sat up aprubtly and faced the man lying beneath me. My heart was racing. Had I honestly shifted over to his side that much to actually wake up resting my head on his chest? Usually a third person would fit between me and him. Suddenly Gaara had realized the position I had slept in, seeing that there was a littlle stain of drool on his sand-brown shirt. "You-?" he stammered.

"Yes." I retorted placidly. I noticed a faint blush on his cheeks. I giggeled. "Might the Kazekage actually be embarassed?" I gibed.

(Rika POV End)

---

(Gaara POV)

I felt my cheeks getting hot as I looked at the woman that had rested her head on my chest all night. Well then she did actually touch me again, just that it wasn't a hug. What was I to do now? Once again I felt this awkward feeling. Was it really a crush now?

I closed my eyes, trying to calm myself. "You can rest your head here again." I suggested, pointing at the spot where she had slept, shakily.

And as I saw her face beaming there for a moment I cracked another smile. I felt her long hair tickling my arm as she adjusted herself again. Her head wasn't heavy. Would she hear my heart bump too? Could she actually hear that I am nervous? Would she notice?

"I can hear your heart." I saw her smiling as I looked down. I was sure that was the very moment where my heart has paused for a moment. I felt uneasy, as though I was lying on needles while leaning against the cool wall. I turned my head away again, hoping she wouldn't see me blush again. I didn't quiet fancy this hot feeling on my cheeks. Should I stroke her back? Would she bite me if I tried? Once again too many thoughts roamed through my mind. And just as I was reluctantly moving my hand she sat up again. "What's the matter? Did I do something wrong?" I asked hastily. Ouch, the last part I could have skipped.

"No." she giggeled at me. "But we need to get going. Meeting, remember?"

(Gaara POV End)

---

So I was to see her family. Actually if you come to think of it, this marriage wasn't just something we did because it was so damn funny. I am related to their clan now, like they are with my siblings. Even if not blood-related. That was one weird thought.

I followed her to Konoha's gates. "Come to think of it, I never saw your house since ever we married." I had gotten used to use words such as "married" or "marriage" but it still felt weird to use it when others were around, others that would look at us as though we were outsiders. I might be, but she isn't. I felt their eyes piercing me. What were they thinking? Would they wonder wheter I am still a monster? Were they just curious?

"We are here!" The young woman in front of me suddenly exclaimed. I came to a halt immediately. "That's your house?" I asked pointing at the reddish building. There was no garden but a fairly huge sliding door and a bush about my height to each side.

"Yes." she nodded and gave me a quick smile. "Be prepared for my female. I warn you, stay away from my granny."

"How so?" I asked raising an eyebrow at her.

"Just do." she retorted swiftly and pushed the doors open.

(Gaara POV End)

---

"Rika! And Gaar- eh the Kazekage I mean!" Someone yelled to their right. A fairly thin but not so tall old woman waddled around the corner. "How are you doing?" She exclaimed as she pulled Gaara tight and then her grandchild. Gaara was shocked at the sudden strong hug from this small lady, yet he smiled weakly. "Oh come come and sit down." She whirled her hands and oushed them into the dining room.

"Old woman, let them be." growled a man from the living room which was separate with another sliding door to their right.

"How are you doing?" asked Gaara politely.

"Bad, since ever that mug face appeared on my door step." Tatsuha, the eldest, whispered as he sat up from the lying position he had been in. "I swear, she's up to something. She's never really in such a good mood." he frowned and took another sip from his glass.

"Sit down!" a chirping voice yelled suddenly.

"Yeah Granny, calm it. My head aches." The last teenage member of this clanhad entered the dining room. Thudding onto a chair rather annoyed, he fetched the bottle of Sake and poured himself something into the little glass standing right in front.

Everyone took a seat.

"Well, before we eat this wonderful meal I prepared.." her voice wandered off.

"I bet it will cause us all diarrhea for a week again." Rika poked Gaara's upper arm and whispered.

"I have something to announce." The old lady said piercingly.

"Please say you are going to die." interjected Rei. Earning a slap from his mother, she silenced him.

"As we all know, our bloodline runs best among the female's." She paused.

"Yes we know that." Affirmed Minako, Rika's mother, slightly annoyed. "Keep talking."

"I need grandchildren!" she said loudly and confidently. Utter silence filled the room.

"Euhm, old woman, you've got grandchildren." gibed Rei and pointed at the 3 teens sitting at the table, including him.

"Well you know what I mean, whatever you call those kids you will have." she mumured and pointed absent-minded at each of them.

"Say what?" exclaimed Rika.

Gaara had watched the scene in silence. What was there to say anyways? "So you want your grandchildren to have kids already?" asked Gaara serenely which caused every head to spin around and face him. "Oh man, you got a voice. I'm impressed." gibed Rei a little tipsy, just to be slapped again.

"Yes. And since the bloodline runs best among female's I need Rika to have a baby." She beamed.

Silence filled the room again but was broken due to a glass shattering on the floor.

"Are you crazy mother?" yelled Minako who had arisen from her chair. "You've got to be." Nervously the woman brushed a few hairstrands out of her face and sat down. Everyone had her fixated. Crossing her arms in front of her chest she shifted on her chair nervously.

"Another reason why we never really like family meetings. Imagine our _whole_ family was here." whispered Rika. "You are lucky you are not related to them."

"But I am." retorted Gaara somewhat sternly as though he wanted this family to acknowledge him as a member.

"Eh?"

"Yes, when I married you, I married your family." Gaara retorted, not turning around to face the young woman. Rei gave a tiny little cough that was clrealy supposed to indicate amused scepticism. "You wouldn't want to be married to this family. Honestly, our dad, our-" began the eldest but was cut short.

"Stop it right there!" a dark voice burst out behind him. Rei glared at his older brother and shook his head demandingly.

"Nevermind." sighed Tatsuha. Gaara looked puzzled but didn't push the matter further. _'People have their reasons.'_

Everybody had risen from the table already leaving the 4 teens behind and the disinterested father. With legs crossed and a cigar in his hands he exhaled some smoke. "I love this family."

Rika sat up very suddenly, poking Gaara's side absent-mindedly. "I'll be right back. And hey Tatsuha." she turned to face the elder. "Take care of this mess, please."

There was something worried in her look but before he had any chance to ask, she had already rushed out of the room.

"Well then Gaara, when we are already at it. Alone among men." Rei cleared his throat, shifting a little closer to the young man. "What exactly is going on there between you and my sister?"

---

(Rika POV)

Can't be, why the hell is he here? I sensed him, I sensed his chakra. Damnit you bastard, just get going and leave us be.

I opened the door quietly and shut it behind me again, hoping nobody had heard me leaving. "Show your face!" I demanded.

Suddenly I felt something tickle my hip and brushing past my back.

"You pansy. Show your face already!" I yelled again. I took a few steps away frommy house onto the open street. It was dark, dimly lit, and no people around. "What are you waiting for. Nobody's around." I encouraged him.

"Why so anxious to see me hunny." He retorted with an angry, drunken titter.

"Did you drink?" I asked him sternly, focusing my eyes on the surrounding area.

"No, why?" I heard his voice eachoing as something hit my stomach. Falling forward I gasped in pain. "So I heard, you share a bed with that monster." he continued gibing, though he seemed somewhat amused. I felt like his prey again.

"Be a man and show your face!" I yelled, awaiting the next punch. But nothing came. I only heard the leafs twirling.

"Quit yelling." I spat into his face that had suddenly appeared in front of mine. "Those lips." I felt him touch them with his warm hands. "Oh look, why this begging state?" he snarled, chuckling. "Now Listen to me!" he turned around swiftly and took a few steps away. "Think about it again, _hunny_. I am back now, you can have me again. We can have our time again. _Us_. Why would you need this Gaara anyways? He can't satisfy your needs. Besides, do you even know wheter he is filled in into all this sexual stuff." he giggeled as though he was mentally unstable. "It wouldn't surprise me if he ran around-"

"Stop it!" I hissed and got to my feet slowly. "It's not about that, like you think."

"I know it isn't." he suddenly approached me and held my chin tight. His voice had gotten stern.

I spat into his face hoping for him to go. But he didn't. He punched my side. Though it wasn't as hard as it could have been I felt my body weakening as I sank to my knees again. I kept crouched down and watched him walking around me as though I was his prey. He was angry and that was no good. I deliberated, wondering wheter I ought to punch him while his guard was apparently down or not. But knowing he might not show any mercy I kept in my state.

"What is it that you want?" I hissed.

"I eavesdropped on you. By accident of course. I thought I would pay you a visit when at the family meeting, and I heard that your grandmother wants you to have a kid with him. What if." he said in a sing sang voice but suddenly hissed at her as he bent down. "What if _I_ will be the father. Or would you want to sleep with Gaara? You could still pretend it's Gaara's and everyone would be happy."

I pondered on his words. I knew my grandmother was stubborn and if it meant the best for the clan, would I be ready to sleep with Gaara? Or should I consider this second option? Neither seemed to appeal to me. But I knew who I wouldn't hesitate to drop some clothings for. I looked up at him from the state I was in. "I wont give you an answer to that one."

"I notice your voice is shaking. Good girl, you got the idea." he smirked at me. Should I?

(Rika POV End)

---------

Woah long chapter I know. Sudden twist but thatt's what keeps the story going. ;)

Well there goes my update. I hope it's a good read. Sorry for any grammar mistakes I might have made.


	10. Decisions

Seeing that people actually like my story a lot, I feel bad for not updating earlier. But life has kept me busy lately, holiday, friends, etc. And it honours me a lot that my story is actually inspiration. :) I promise I wont let you down anymore.

-----------

**Decisions**

_Chapter 10_

(Rika POV)

I sat on the floor for some longer, eyeing the man standing right in front of me. I actually felt bad for considering this, but what else could I do? Everybody in my family sacrificed something in a way for our clan. "You should go." I demanded.

I saw him smirking, the same old smirk. He felt superior. Letting him feel this way was the worst one could do, he knew he was powerful and he didn't hesitate to show. I had to get back to my feet.

"What's the matter?" I heard a familiar voice behind me. No. It couldn't be you, could it?

My head spun around only to see the familiar red head standing there, hands crossed in front of his chest again. For a moment my heart jumped.

"Oh see, the husband is arriving." I heard him gibe. I knew Gaara wouldn't get angry fast, but after all I had a tendency to be wrong in men.

"What do you want from her?" Gaara asked in his manly voice. I sensed something dangerous underlying his words.

"Hah, what I want?" he retorted, almost appearing drunk. It was this, what caused people to feel insecure about his actions. He was a good actor.

"I don't want anything. I just, let's say, suggested something."

"What did you suggest?" Gaara asked sternly moving a little closer. He stopped right behind me, me who was still on the floor.

"Nothing." I interjected and rose. "Just go and let us be." I hissed. Gaara wouldn't need to know. No he should never know. He should never find out who he is. "Gaara, let's just go inside." I turned around and gently pushed Gaara towards the entrance. I felt his eyes piercing him. I had never seen Gaara like this. I used to think that he would avoid things like that, keep his business to himself and not stir in other people's things. But this time I had actually felt that Gaara did care and that he felt threatened even. Or was that just me thinking this way? Was it just what I wanted to see? See a man caring for me like this again? Maybe, all Gaara did was standing his man because he had to, because he had my family inside the house and he had to prove them to be a man. Maybe it wasn't all that much for me that he was standing here. I guess, after all he is just like us. Whatever you have to do for your clan has to be done.

And suddenly the feeling had vanished. I pushed Gaara again to move and followed him inside. "Why- nevermind." I stammered and lowered my head. Asking him why he came out there to help me was just wrong. It was like in those movies where the guy kisses the girl and then apologizes. Just another cliché.

"Who was he?" Gaara interrupted my thoughts.

(Rika POV End)

---

(Gaara POV)

She bit her lower lip as I asked her. What was wrong? Was she hiding something? Though I had been thaught to keep myself out of other's businesses, was it wrong to be curious? But people say that the husband is the man of the house, and as such a man I had to take care of her. I watched her lowering her head again. Was she avoiding my eyes?

"He's just an old friend." I saw her weak smile. Is he?

"Alright then." I retorted and patted her shoulder swiftly, just as she always used to do. Would it make her feel better?

"Where's my brother Rei?" she asked me, turning around to look for him.

"He went to bed. He wasn't feeling well."

"Oh Alright." Rika said, but I sensed something was still bothering her a lot. What were they talking about? It was then, that I rememberd her grandmother's words. Why would she want her to be pregnant already?

"Come, let's go sit down outside a little." she suggested and I followed. Should I talk with her about it?

(Gaara POV End)

---

"God, mother, are you crazy?" Minako hissed as her mother washed the dishes.

"Why?" she retorted cockily and dropped the plate back into the sink.

"You want my 15 year old daughter to have a kid?"

"If she wont have the kid with Gaara, I will." The elder gibed.

"Mum!" Rika's mother exclaimed fetching the plate she had been washing out of her hands. "Look into my eyes and say that again."

"Didn't you see how he's been eyeing me since ever they arrived here?" The elder retorted in a sing-sang voice, tousling her short white hair a little.

"That's just because since ever you lost so much weight your head looks huger than ever." answered Minako and eyed her mother. Giving her a disgusted look she continued in an almost threatening tone. "You will not, make my little daughter have a child with him. Never."

---

(Rika POV)

I stepped outside into the cool air. The sun was about to vanish and our garden was tainted in a bright red. I felt Gaara's breath in my neck as he appraoched behind me. I shivered. I felt like bursting, like punching something for everything that had gone wrong in my life – or rather someone. "Isn't it funny how you can hate people you once loved?" I swallowed and stared onto a velvet flower a few meters away from my feet.

"I wouldn't know, there was noone I really loved to begin with." he retorted. He took a step closer. From the corner of my eyes I saw his hand close to mind. Would he hold my hand now?

"But I believe it would be a sad feeling if you came to hate a person you cared a lot for. Might be a friend." he hesitated and whispered. "Or more."

I twitched a little at his words. I tried my best to get this very person next to me, to like me, to like the world and to enjoy life. And now I was about to take all this away from him by hurting him. I felt like a betrayer, no I _was_ a betrayer. I tilted my head to look into his eyes. Pure eyes, filled with sadness. I am sorry.

(Rika POV End)

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(Gaara POV)

In my past – as I prefer to refer to the time of me being a monster – I had seen many people wearing this very same look. Fear. Sadness. Desperation. She felt small and vulnerable. Oh how many of my victims gave me this look, begged for their lives. But now, that my intention was not to kill, her eyes stung me like a sword. I reflected on the days when I was the one who looked at her this sad. It had always been me, who welcomed her warm arms. I was the weak who needed help to move on. Now things would change. I took a step closer and wrapped my arms around her. Though I was sure, she would feel me trembling, I didn't care. I was a friend, a friend who cared and she was a friend who needed somebody to comfort her. Whoever this guy was, he caused her to feel sad. And I would be the one to make her feel better. "It's ok." I assured her. I had grown a little in the past month. I could now rest my chin on top of her head. She didn't say a word. I didn't feel her move, nor imply that me touching her was uncomfortable to her. Though I was nervous. My heart was racing. I wanted it to stop, there was no need to feel like this, after all, I had received numerous hugs. But this, was the first hug I gave her. The first hug I gave her to show her that I care.

"Thank You." She suddenly spoke. As she turned around I saw something glistering in the corner of her eyes. A single tear streamed down her cheek.

I had already opened my mouth, ready to tell her that she didn't need to say Thank You, but I hesitated. "You are welcome." I finally retorted. Yes, you are welcome, and you would always be as long as you would want to be around me. But it's my life I am living, and I never saw happiness lasting for long. How much longer would you stick around me?

(Gaara POV End)

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I hope you like, even though it was a little hard for me to continue. Let's see what I'll develop this story into. :) Enjoy!


	11. Mistletoes

**Mistletoes**

_Chapter 11_

(Rika POV)

"Will you excuse me?" I asked him gently, waiting for him to nod. He nodded.

Rushing past him, I headed for the stairs. On the upper floor were all the sleeping rooms except my parents.

I didn't switch the lights on. I knew exactly where his room was - right behind mine. Knocking quietly I opened the door. "Rei?" I whispered.

I heard himg runt and took it as a yes to be allowed to enter. Waving my arms in front of my body to prevent myself from bumping into something my hands finally felt the smooth bedsheets. I knelt down.

"_He_ is back." I said as my hand searched for his.

"I figured he had to be. You were upset lately. Besides there has been some strange murder."

"Don't think it was him, he wouldn't come back just to kill!" I exclaimed but immediately calmed my voice, believing somebody might hear me.

"You didn't expect him to ever come back in the first place. What makes you so sure that he wouldn't just murder someone next to messing your life? You know he's capable of doing so."

I swallowed. I had to admit, that it wouldn't be as unlikely as I had wished for it to be.

"What am I to do?"

"Don't ask me that." he sighed but continued "For now, don't see him as the big problem. I'd rather watch out for granny if I was you." He shifted around in his bed a little and rolled onto his side to face me.

I swallowed as my eyes met his. I felt his breath on he back of my hand.

"I wish granny was the bigger problem, but I fear she might not be."

"What do you mean?"

I turned my head away. My eyes wandered through the room.

"_He_ knows about it."

"You-"

"Yes." I interjeted. "He offered me to have the kids granny wants with him."

"That's wrong." Interjected Rei poked my side so I would look at him again.

"Why is it?" I hissed.

"You are married to Gaara, dumbass."

"So what? I never ever kissed Gaara or anything. You can not expect me to-"

"You wont get kids just because that old crazy woman wants you to, so why are you even worrying about it? It's clear to everyone that she will not get what she wants. Just because you are the youngest and feel as though you need to do something for the clan, doesn't mean you have to listen to whatever kind of weird stuff she thinks about. Just ban it out of your mind and we are done. Treat it as something that never happened." Rei said sternly and thudded back into his pillow.

"Ok." I finally agreed. Suddenly my body felt heavy, guilty even. I had made a fuss about something that I should have just ignored. "Sleep well, I'll see you later." Pressing a kiss against his forehead I left the room.

(Rika POV End)

---

(Gaara POV)

I sat in the kitchen, listening to her mother washing the dishes. Grandmother's loud sudden snoring woke me up. I had been lost in thoughts about recent events.

Suddenly the doorbell rang. "Could you open please?"

I gave Rika's mother a quick nod and left the kitchen. As I opened the door I suddenly saw a familiar face again. "Sai. What are you doing here?" What? Was saying more than usual? Sai gave me an awkward look as though he he had just heard grandmother's news again.

"I came back from training and upon seeing that the lights were still on, I thought I'd come by and say hello." He said, smiling as dumbfounded as ever.

"Come in." I took a step away and allowed him to enter.

"Where's your wife?" he asked me. I rolled my eyes at him, knowing he would just call her 'my wife' for the fun of it.

"I have no idea."

"So do you love her?" he asked me, catching me completely off-guard. I believe this guy has just got a habit of asking questions you usually don't ask just like that at any time.

I calmed myself immediately, not letting him see that this question actually upset me a little. "Heh, what's love?"

Sai suddenly drew something from his pocket. A little book.

"Love is a condition or phenomenon of emotional primacy, or absolute value. Love generally includes an emotion of intense attraction to either another person, a place, or thing; and may also include the aspect of caring for or finding identification with those objects, including self-love. Love can describe an intense feeling of affection, an emotion or an emotional state. In ordinary use, it usually refers to interpersonal love, an experience usually felt by a person for another person. There-" he started reading.

"Alright, alright I got it." I stopped him. "Explanations fom books don't quiet help much."

"Ok for starters then. You care a lot for her don't you?" Sai inquired, smiling as ever.

"Yes I blieve I do."

"There' s no believeing. Yes or No." he demanded. I raised my eyebrow at him. What was he up to?

"Y-yes."

"Did you ever show her that?"

"How am I supposed to do that?"

"Tell her." Sai beamed.

"I don't believe you just go and tell a woman that."

"No believing, knowing. And yes, you just tell her."

"Did you read that in another book?" I asked, raising my eyebrow at him again. This guy really was nuts.

"Yes I did, and it's true. Books always tell the truth."

"O-ok."

"See it's said right here!" Sai raised his book to my eye-level and pointed at a paragraph that said 'How to show love.' I felt my stomach squirm.

And just as I was about to argue, I heard footsteps behind me. They came closer in a fast pace. Before I had a chance to turn around I felt hair brushing past my chin. "Granny." I exclaimed as the small woman rushed past me seizing Sai's arm and dragging him away. "Sai!" I heard her exclaiming happily. Sighing, I turned around and strode back onto the porch.

I wrapped my arms around my knees and watched the sky. I missed the sand. Listening to the old woman talking somewhere in the distance about how much she likes Sai, I noticed a shadow covering me. "Rika."

"Sorry for all that trouble." She excused herself.

"Nevermind. That's-"

"My Family, I know." she giggeled. She sat down besides me and smiled at me. "You know, you are one of the few who haven't told me by now that you are pitying me for having such a grandmother."

And there I cracked another smile. "My family is just as crazy as yours."

She laughed at me. I watched her, watched her laughing and exposing her white teeth. I got back to my feet and headed for the door into the living room.

"Hey, hold on." She rushed back to her feet and seized my arm. "Oh Hey see." She said pointing to the ceiling. Raising my head I felt my heart sink. A mistletoe. "I hate mistletoes."

"Why's that?" she asked almost insulted.

"They are green."

Rika bursted out in laughter. "Because they are green?"

"Yes."

"Not because that means you'd have to kiss a girl?" She started teasing.

"Not if the girl is pretty." Time stood still for a moment and everything around me felt quieter than ever. Was it this? What is what people call the very moment where time stands still?

I was thankful it was dark beause my cheeks felt hot, extremely hot. My hand were sweating and my mind was racing. Was it going to happen now? Would she even kiss a guy like me, after all what happened?

And out of a suddeny I moved on my own. I leant forwards and pressed my lips against hers. It was warm, incredibly warm and a little wet. My heart felt like bursting, worse than ever before. I had no idea what to do with my hands. I tried to wrap them around her but pulled them back immediately. And somewhere deep inside I felt this feeling again. Would she hate me now?

(Gaara POV End)

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Thanks for the reviews once again, I am glad to know that I've got your support. Your reviews keep me going. :) I'll try to keep up the good work for as long as I can. But every story has to come to an end sooner or later.

Sorry it took me ages to update again, but school started and on weekends I barely ever got time. I hope you understand. And I hope even more that you enjoy this chapter.


	12. Goodbye, Farewell

**Goodbye, Farewell**

_Chapter 12_

(Gaara POV)

She didn't push me away. I felt relieved. My hands still hung low. I wanted to pull her close. Do it just like the couples I had seen so often. Wrap my arms tight around the – loved one. Did I love her? Was it that kindo f feeling?

Thousands of images flew through my mind until it finally came to a halt. I had taken the step of kissing her so why not take it a step further. And I did wrap my arms around her and pulled her close. Though I had no idea as to how to move my hand to prevent my neck from hurting after a while, I just pulled her close until I felt her heart pounding against my chest.

(Gaara POV)

(Rika POV)

I released from the kiss. I wasn't sure wheter to look into his eyes as I never thought I'd feel those feelings when kissing him. And once again a rush of emotions overcame me. It felt like one leg wanted to run, while the other wanted to stand just here in front of this man.

As my eyes met his it felt as though his hands were still wrapping around me, though he had already moved a few inches away.

"Well…." I began, but I had no idea what to say. What do you usually say in such a situation? I know what I used to tell _him_. But it's not the same and never will be. And for a moment Gaara changed into the familiar face I used to see every day, I used to kiss. And my face puckered up. I looked away pretending to have something in the eye.

"Let's go back inside."

Gaara nodded at me and accompanied me back inside. We sat down on the couch. There was a strange tension between us now. And as I saw him from the corner of my eyes I felt like screaming, my heart felt like bursting. I clutched my hands into the seat, hoping for it to fade away. But it didn't. The grudge and sadness I helt for so long arose again. Not anger against him, but against the past. What a fool I had been. And once again it proves to be wrong. Love makes you blind.

"Excuse me please."

I got to my feet and headed straight for the door. My only goal was to walk out of this house and somewhere else. I didn't even notice that Gaara had gotten grand-ma's victim again. I didn't even care about Sai's whereabouts or where the rest of my family had entrenched themselves.

As I felt the cold air slapping my face I felt a little better. The heat inside didn't help me keeping my mind calm. I strode down the streets until I reached the little hill. I had often come here with my brother when I was about 5. Apparently I loved overlooking Konoha. I lingered there for a while pondering on everything that had happened. We had proven strength as well as weakness. I had changed Gaara and myself. Was it always going to be like that? That when you find love or feel drawn towards somebody that the rest stands still for you. I hadn't taken any notice about Rei's sickness anymore. Everything surrounding me had become blurry.

"If you had never stepped into my life…"

I knew he had approached me. He, the one who had started all this. Who had started this burning cycle I can't get out of anymore.

"Didn't you like things as they were?" he replied in his dark voice. I wasn't used to hearing it anymore.

"_Were_. Yes as things were. I liked it back then, but people change. You should just go. Raise a family somewhere else." I retorted, sitting down in the cold grass.

"I wanted to raise a family with you."

"Sorry you came too late."

"There is still a future." he pushed further.

"You'd be better off if you just left for good. Find somebody else to betray." I retorted with a shaking voice. I could not hold it any longer. He would not give up. Why was he fighting that hard? And as I heard his pathetic laughter – laughter that kept me awake numerous nights – something snapped inside my head. In an instant I fetched a kunai and ran up to him. I didn't care about the strength difference or that I had no idea about his weak spots. All I wanted was to hurt him. And I would.

I was surpriseed he didn't even move. I tackled him to the ground and stared into his cold eyes, my weapon hoovering right above his head. But as I felt his eyes stinging me, just like they did a thousand times, my hands started to shake. "Why are you grinning like that?" I pressed through my lips. He didn't feel threatened, no, he didn't even look scared. "Don't believe I could kill you?!" I rose my voice. But still, no reaction. I could kill him in an instant, my knees where keeping his hands down. He could never escape. I felt his warmth on my skin, felt my heart racing and I felt his racing. "Yes, yes you are scared." I hissed and leant down until some of my long hair tickeled his cheek.

"So what if I am. It's only natural." he retorted with his foolish grin. His eyes were fixating me. I felt as though he was reading my mind, controlling me even.

Suddenly I dropped my kunai, which fell into the grass right next to his ear. "You haven't won yet." I whispered and slapped him so it would still echoe from the walls. Even though it didn't have the loud effect that would have suited in this dark night without anybody around, I felt proud as I saw the imprints of my fingers on his pale cheek. It was then that I realized how dark it had gotten. And suddenly my heart sank a little as I thought about the current situation. I wasn't quiet in a defensive mode already, I was plainly sitting on him. And for heaven's sake I prayed noone would pass by, as it would have sure given them the wrong picture.

As suddenly as the anger had come it disappeared again. It was no fun slapping him. It was no fun being angry at him. For him not minding it at all. "You are like a wall." I whispered in a soft tone, admitting my defeat a little.

"Just that you took some bricks out."

He rose his head closer to mine until I felt his warm breath on my nose. He had his own smell. Was it the same with me? Did I have my very own smell too?

I felt that something had changed. This was not the man that had hurt me this much. Something had changed.

A nasty sound filled the air. A nasty bone cracking sound. "You are and will always be a bastard." My fist had hit right his nose. Oh joy, I hope it broke. And as much as my heart jumped on the inside because of joy it came to a halt pretty soon.

He had reached for my kunai and threatened to slice me open. I gulped but didn't show any fear. "If it's killing me that you want. Go ahead." I spread my arms away from my body signalizing I was his. It was the same old game. Threatening but no killing. I watched the blood run from his nose and felt incredibly proud. And as I saw an opening I reached for my second kunai and stabbed him right in the heart. I listened to him scream in pain, watched him squirm beneath me. "This pain is nothing compared to what you did to me." I hissed as he gasped for air.

I lingered for a while next to his motionless body. My hands were full of his blood, my mind filled with thoughts and memories. I glanced upon him once again before I got back to my feet and strode back home. Somebody would find him, and they would know who it was. But I didn't care. I had a right to do this. I had the right to. And that's what I wanted to believe. Just once again, not face the truth. Just once again, feel the satisfaction. "Goodbye."

As I entered my house, still covered in blood, Gaara stood in the doorway to the kitchen. "It's scary to know what you did to your old love." He said. His lips implied a small smirk. I couldn't help but give him a weak smile.

"You know what to do then."

My mind had gotten blank from all the thinking. Without realizing where I was walking I found myself in the middle of my garden again. "Farewell, but not Goodbye."

I closed my eyes and waited for the wind to play with the leaves. I knew just where I had to stab so he would survive. Death would just release him from his very own pain. And that was not my intention. He should go on suffering, just like I had to. Once again I stared at my hands and watched some blood dripping off still. "I am waiting."

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I am so sorry I kept you waiting for so long. But I was really busy and today I decided I need to finish the story. I am not sure wheter this chapter is the 'oh-so-good-finale', but well, I did what I could. :) Thanks a lot again for all those that supported me and reviewed to me.


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